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They look away but the whispering continues. I have no one to whisper to. I have lost again and look away with eyes full of remorse and hurt and that glint of fear. Fear of the pain? No…more accurately described as fear of failure. What kind of mother will I be? Hands explore a surface so hard and round and promising, feeling that pulse of life within, wishing I could look like this forever and have someone to whisper to. And then the pain came, and I wonder why I was not in fear of it. Pain like a river, a waterfall, an earthquake…pain like a volcanic eruption that makes me scream and scream and scream. So much pain to deliver a life so small. Giving birth was perhaps the most painful and colorful moment of my life, the ripping of a soul that I’m not even sure exists. It tore from me like the wing of bird, disabling my flight through the azure dawn of existence. I felt that when I was crying my tears were made of glass because they hurt as they came out razor edges carving bloody. Oops! Forgot something: Trudy Elliott’s Mrs. magazine. Before going forward with this tale, let me fill you in on that enterprise. First of all, Little Bit was correct when she said funding would not be a problem. She was correct in the sense that there was plenty of money. She was also correct, though, in claiming that controlling who could invest how much would be a problem. It was, and remains one. The funding offers from the extended families alone were a very large multiple of the magazine’s need for capital.Then there was the organization and its initial operation. Because of her interest in it and her help in getting it started, Little Bit was named the publisher and Trudy, the editor in chief. Normally, the publisher, representing the business side, and the editor, representing the creative side, are constantly at war. Mrs. was no different. But the positions were the reverse of the usual condition.Normally, the editor has all sorts of grandiose schemes for the publication,.
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